Thursday, November 15, 2012

My wife is so awesome

I like to try and project a persona online that is at least a reasonable facsimile to who I really am but, let's be real. People online can rarely ever know who we truly are because we naturally recoil from showing our darker sides. In this respect, the internet is a perfect vehicle for denial. It allows us to project who we want to see ourselves as, rather than who we really are. We project this image in a form that can be auto-toned and Photoshopped and guarded and marketed. After all the air-brushing, we arrive, we hope, at an image palatable to the outside world but-often- quite at odds with reality.

It is not that we deliberately seek to deceive. It is often subtle, often sub-conscious and rarely malevolent in intent. It really boils down to a primal insecurity that suggests "you wouldn't like me if you knew 'X'". or "You will like me if I can do 'Y' or project 'Z'"

The world's producers and marketers  understand this and have made a whole array of products - from facial creams to photo editing software- to aid people in the avoidance of reality.

The consequence of this is that so many people rarely know who anyone really is anymore.

There is a danger in this. The more we guard who we truly are, the more our faults are magnified in our own minds. That is because if we don't show who we truly are, we cannot be loved for who we truly are and if we cannot be loved as we truly are, we cannot know if who we truly are can be truly loved.

This creates a shocking dichotomy in many people that results in isolation, depression, despair and, in some sad cases, suicide. Yesterday, me a friend were talking about the sad and tragic story of Brad Delp, the former lead vocalist of the Rock band Boston.

It was Delp's soaring vocals on songs such as More than a feeling, Don't look back, Piece of Mind, A Man I'll never be and the #1 hit Amanda that made those songs. The band sold millions of records and received critical acclaim.
In 2007, Delp committed suicide. Could someone have known him and reached him and saved him? One thing is clear, the image that we held of him and the image he held of himself were in stark and tragic conflict.

This is why I thank God for my wife. Her and I truly know and love each other. We know each other's strengths and we know each other's weaknesses. We know each other's joys and we know each other's sorrows. My wife is a truly genuine person who has the most real and vulnerable heart I have ever seen. The walking, talking personification of compassion and forgiveness.

If it weren't for her, I couldn't make it. I just wanted to say 'thank you'.

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